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Well, I am not a premium member anymore! well, as I write this, I still have two days left, but that's not a lot really!
It was pretty cool to be a premium member I liked the pretty journals, the polls, the shoutbox and the flash gallery. but all good things come to an end!
I am so happy that Ben got me a premium membership! he's a lovely guy and I'm glad I met him all those years ago on the Bjork forum you should check out his gallery!

also, I must apologise about my lack of art lately. I dunno, I just haven't been terribly inspired... but I do post a photo everyday on my tumblr. so I guess if you wanna see what I have been up to, go there [link]
most of those aren't really "art" so that is why I don't put them here.

I hope I can do some art real soon and upload it here! I miss this place!

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So, for about 60 days, I've been taking a photo a day! Its been really fun and I hope to keep it up!
I don't use my digital SLR, I use a cheap obsolete point and shoot kodak easyshare camera. Its a neat little camera and it actually takes great photos! I've always said, its not the equipment, but how you use it.

So, if any of you guys have a tumblr, please follow me! or at least, check it out! because I love you and stuff

[link]

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I quit smoking a few years ago. It was hard and I was like "phew, I am glad I never have to do that again!" ...but alas, I started smoking again, back in March. I watched my friends mother pass away. A few minutes later, me and my friends were sitting outside with blank looks on our faces. I couldn't cry. I couldnt say anything. All I could say was "can I have a smoke please?" I mean, it was only one smoke. How can one smoke hurt me?
It was a slippery slope. One cigarette here, one cigarette there. Once I bought a small pack because I was nervous about an upcoming gig with my band. Then a little while later I would get another pack. After a while, I would find myself NEEDING to buy a pack.
Yep, So I slowly became a smoker. Not many people knew, because I was mad at myself enough for starting smoking again. I didn't need any more looks of disapproval for my poor choices. BESIDES, I can totally stop any time I want.

No I couldn't.

I tried to quit a few times. A half-assed style of quitting. Pretty much, I would say to myself "okay, no more smoking" and then somebody would wave a cigarette in my face and I would just HAVE to have one.

So I was back to square one. I would buy more smokes.

I think I needed more support. So, I finally told everyone "hey, I am quitting smoking" Sure enough, my announcement was met with disappointment. "you are smoking again? why? You quit for so long!"
Yeah, I know. I screwed up. I started smoking because I didn't know how else to deal with some aspects of my life. Its not a good reason, but it is a reason nevertheless.

I cant be sure that this time will be the time I finally quit. I get weak sometimes. My willpower seems to be waning.

I guess I have to just try harder.

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Then I will be done with first year diploma!
I love studying art and I am so glad I have made it this far! But first year subjects are kinda getting to me. Well, mainly the drawing class. It just bores me to be honest. We dont really get to do anything "creative" I suppose... I miss last year because I got to do experimental drawing. I love experimenting with drawing! Trying new materials, trying new ways of drawing. But my objective drawing class? it is just dull!
I've been getting better at painting though. I think that because I always told myself that I suck at painting, my paintings usually come out sub-par. But the teacher I have really helps me with it. I am actually learning things and this makes me pretty happy! therefore, my paintings are coming out pretty well mostly!
Sculpture is not really my thing I don't think. I just don't have a lot of interest in it. I try to be interested, but I guess my heart isn't in it. But, I have to do it I suppose. If I don't do it, I cant go onto second year diploma.
Printmaking is not too bad. I enjoy it sometimes, but mainly it is a pain! literally! My shoulder is absolutely killing me lately. It has dislocated nine times so far and I think it might be kinda damaged. I am going to find out what is wrong with it tomorrow. Got an ultrasound on it tomorrow. I WONDER IF IT WILL BE A BOY OR A GIRL! but seriously, I hope it isn't too bad. I really really don't want surgery. It sounds like more trouble than its worth. Hopefully it will only require physiotherapy at the very most. I need my right arm to be able to do my art! I don't want to have to do all this years classes again. That would pretty much make everything I have done so far this year worth nothing

I'll keep you all posted

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I sat outside tonight. It was beautiful, just sitting on the gutter outside my house. The air was cool, but not cold. Clouds were racing across the sky at great speed and covering the moon. Every so often it would peek through and light up everything a little bit. In the distance I could hear some machinery or something from the power station over the hill. I could hear the distant reverberated hiss of far off traffic. nearby I could hear an assortment or crickets and frogs.

It was nice to sit around, listening to the night.

Whenever I just feel like getting away from everything, I just like sitting out on the gutter. Me and my friend Sheree from across the street would often sit out there when we were teenagers, talking about our problems, about funny stuff, gossip about people at school while having a few cigarettes which we stole from our parents. Just doing what teenagers do and feeling like "we should be inside right now or our parents would kill us"

I sometimes miss nights like that. Those times are long ago. Even though I am 25, I still get that feeling that "I should be inside right now, I will get in trouble" obviously I wont be in trouble, but I guess I just associate that sitting place with that time in my life.

Sometimes it is nice to reminisce…

Last week I had the terrible experience of watching my friend's mother pass away. It was one of the hardest things to see. It was so quick too. Its weird to think that one minute they are here and the next minute they are gone. It wasn't scary, she wasn't in pain, she was just sleeping. The doctors had made her as comfortable as she could be. She had been sick for a couple years. She had a brain aneurysm and was essentially trapped in a body that she couldn't use. She couldn't talk, she couldn't walk, she couldn't eat, she couldn't do anything. I think she was waiting for that moment when she could finally stop being that way. The only way for that to happen would be to die.
It was still a huge shock though. We all knew she wasn't going to have a long life expectancy, but she was making so much progress we just didn't think that she would be struck down by an epileptic fit.
I always have the fear of epileptic fits ending my life in the back of my mind. I have epilepsy, so it isn't a far stretch that it could happen to me. Lucky, my epilepsy is mild these days. I just get the odd day where my right leg gets paralysed. But it is unpredictable. Epilepsy is a mysterious condition. nobody really knows a lot about it. But right now? my epilepsy is pretty stable, so I dont think I need to worry too much.
She was a beautiful woman who lived her life like knew it was gonna be a short one. She laughed, she danced, she partied, she lived it as big as she could. She also managed to raise some great sons. My friends Shane and Keith are two of the most wonderful guys I have ever met. I am so glad that I can call them two of my best friends. and all the things they have gone through have made them who they are. they have overcome obstacles that you and I would probably just give up on. but not those guys, they just plow right on through it all and come out on the other end stronger than ever before. Just like their mother did.
I am glad I knew her for a few years. I have some excellent memories that make me smile. Having her in my life was one of the highlights of my life so far. I thank her for so many things. mainly that she was who she was and she didn't change for anybody. That is something I learnt from her and will continue to apply that to my life. I am me and if you dont like that, you can just fuck right off. I don't have to sell myself short.
I can be myself and that is just fine with me!

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CSS made by `TwiggyTeeluck
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CSS made by `TwiggyTeeluck
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CSS made by `TwiggyTeeluck
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